"Do you think you've changed since entering college?"
"No, I don't think so". I replied
I was just reading a blog belonging to a friend of mine who'd just been through a similar experience I'd gone through. As I read his blog, I couldn't help but kept recalling the above conversation.
How quickly things changed in a blink of an eye. Only half a year ago I told her I didn't think I've changed a lot since entering college. But now I doubt I can say that I haven't changed. How ironic, since it was she who, in a way, has changed me. She has really dealt a hard blow on me.
Lifting my hopes up and then crushing them, she disappointed me time and time again. Every time she ripped my heart out, she killed my confidence not just in myself but my confidence towards other people, especially girls. And she dared ask me why am I being so guarded around her? I didn't think I could take anymore of her abuse.
And now I've become less trusting. Less hopeful. More cynical. But thankfully there's an upside to all these. Thanks to her, I've become stronger emotionally. It's not so easy to hurt me anymore. I'm slowly picking myself back up.. slowly but surely I'm getting back up. In the past few months, I realized I'm starting to become more comfortable with myself. I'm starting to voice my thoughts out. Laugh harder. With the support of my friends, with YOUR supports, I'm beginning to gain back my confidence. At some points, I felt that I've become more confident in myself up to the point where some of you think I've become arrogant. I'm sorry if I appear that way to you. But there's a thin line separating confidence with arrogance. So trust me when I say I still care about you. Just say the words and I'll be there for you.
So like I've said, I was down but not out. Now I'm back.
Yes, I've changed. Maybe the changes are not so apparent but deep inside many things haven't been the same. I guess it's true when they say
what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.
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